Been going through some things lately. No, I am not physically sick. or hungry. or depressed or sad. I am just plain scared. A bend in the road of my journey through life has turned my world upside down. It is a bend which I have had to take and I am very uneasy because I am no longer in control. It is causing me to deal with long forgotten dreams that I thought were over and finished with; to regroup; to not settle down in what I thought would be the sunset of my life and to keep pushing on.
Thoughts are coming at me like a downpour of heavy rain. I am wrestling with what I think, being tempted by that, that I do not want to think. Knowing that the battle is for my mind, I have decided not to hide the thoughts from God. The Word of God can only cleanse what I stand up to and admit. If I hide my head in the sand and pretend those thoughts do not exist, then have I submitted myself to the onslaught of thoughts that are trying to invade and capture my mind. Thus, confession to God and my proclamations based on his Word have become a daily routine in my morning and evening meditation.I even find myself saying them softly to myself during my day.
Making plans, keeping schedules, doing the things I know need to be done, I feel alone, even though I know I am not alone. I don't feel his presence and wonder "Where are you LORD?" And I know that I am waiting for God to reveal Himself. I am not waiting for a person, they can not tell me what I need to hear; or a pretty new gagdget, it will not satisfy the hunger in me, and keeping busy will not bring the needed stillness that I need when I lie down to sleep at night.
Realizing this, I have often asked in the past month, "Where are you LORD?" I find it is at these times that God hides himself. As David wrote in Psalm 13 when he cried out,
"How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
And every day have sorrow in my heart?"*
It is my belief that we all experienced such periods in our lives whether we want to admit it or not. It is not all hunky dory and ice cream and cake on this journey. It does get rough and for some of us mighty rough at times. And mostly, it has to deal with the battle for our minds. Karl Marx, the atheist philosopher once said and let me paraphrase it in my own words, "It is the mind. If we control the consciousness of the people we have won."
The mind is where our life plays itself out and what happens in our lives in our physical world are the results of the thoughts that we think. 'Therefore it is all the more necessary that we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ and as Paul wrote, "Demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God."*
So as I keep trucking, as the country gal in me would say,and searching I am fully aware that the God who hides Himself also lets Himself be found and I will find Him.
It is a declaration, a fact stated in His Word and God does not lie.. He has given us a promise that,. "If we his people, who are called by his name, will humble ourselves and pray and seek his face and turn from our wicked ways, then He will hear from heaven and will forgive our sin and will heal our land".
Have a Blessed Fourth Advent' Everyone and
May the LORD, who is near to all who call on Him,
Accompany you through your day and be with you in the midnight hours of your life.
I love you.
Schalom,
Pat Garcia Schaack
*Scripture 1 from Psalm 13
*² 2nd Corinthians 10:4
*³ 2nd Chronicles 7:14 (paraphased by Pat Garcia Schaack)
* All Scriptures are taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, New International Version published by ZONDERVAN
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